{Honest Words}

        It’s been difficult for me to elect what I want to write about here. This space is rather intimidating - filled with unintentional obligations and a slight fear of burn out. Coupled with the fact that so much has happened over the course of the last couple of months that it’s hard to pinpoint a beginning. There are many thoughts and ideas swirling around my brain that attempting to reach out and grasp one that doesn’t feel too convoluted or too big to whittle has also proven a task. It’s been arduous to encompass thoughts and feelings into a coherent sentence let alone paragraphs.
But I’ll try.
I have always had a restless soul that dreamed of wandering. I want to see and experience as much of the world as possible within my lifespan. I want to adventure, learn, grow and have my mind expanded beyond the inherent boundaries that my life experiences have set. I decided that continuing my education at an institution far from home was a perfect excuse for a toe-dip into the pool of expansion: I am single. I have no children. No career. No ties that couldn’t easily be perfectly knotted and left behind. With only around two years left, my subconscious commitment phobia had no room to roar its head and hinder my journey. 
In late December, amidst the dry heat and drought of California I gathered up all my things that I deemed necessary to take with me, stuffed them ever so carefully into 32-gallon industrial strength garbage bags and put them in the car. {How strange that all my things, items I treasured or utilized daily, could fit into bags that fit like jigsaw pieces in my small car.} And with that done, I pulled out of my no longer permanent parking spot and began my 3,000 mile journey eastward. I didn’t cry or have any other real emotional reaction until I crossed the California border and I knew that there was no turning back. Tears unknowingly rolled down my cheek and my breath began to shorten when I left behind the dying brush and wilderness of California and saw a starting Winter in another state. Where wildflowers were just beginning to wilt, and final leaves drifted to the ground. I left behind people I loved and will always love, who create the patchwork of my heart. But I could breathe again. Only a handful of people truly understand the gravity of that statement to me. It isn’t meant to be melodramatic. I am now in  a state of living my life honestly and my words need to be honest too.
It took me exactly one week to reach my new life. Over the course of seven whole days I crossed 8 states. I cried, I laughed, I thought deeply and superficially. I daydreamed. I had three distinct near-death experiences that electrified me. I sang my throat sore with songs that I have loved and ones I currently hold dear. Songs that perfectly described all the minute thoughts and emotions I had. I called my loved ones and told them varying details of my adventure. I sent them whispers of hope and care. I began to catch glimpses of myself again and it felt incredible.

I have never felt more sure of a decision that I have made.